The email I had been waiting for....

The most difficult struggles are often those fought in private, away from the eyes of the world. The times where discipline goes unpraised and small accomplishments are known only to yourself. That is where the hero is born. That is where she fights her demons. That is where she slays her dragons. That is where she learns who she truly is.

To briefly recap part 1 of my StrongFirst story, I sustained an injury to my left TFL about 10 days before the certification weekend. The injury was due to instability in my pelvis. Squatting or getups on the left side were not possible. So I traveled to Philly at the end of July, 2018, for the StrongFirst Kettlebell certification knowing I couldn’t test all the skills. I made it through the three days of the certification,  passing my snatch test and all the skills except squats and the TGU. For the full story of that weekend, check out my previous blog post.

 https://viewsofgratitude.blogspot.com/2018/08/my-strongfirst-weekend.html

Team Hayes at the Philadelphia SFG I....they helped me thrive
during the three day certification, despite my injuries.

The three days of the SFG were filled with a wide range of emotions: excitement, joy, happiness, frustration, anxiety, and relief. The adrenaline of being with dozens of individuals who shared the same passion for kettlebell training was intoxicating. I was surrounded by an incredible network of support and concerned peers. If a negative attitude loomed, the encouragement of my StrongFirst team would buoy me up. They helped me keep my focus and never made me feel left out when I couldn’t train a skill. The camaraderie and sense of strong community helped carry me through the difficulties. But nothing prepared me for the mental and emotional struggle that awaited me after the SFG. 

I had three months to submit videos of my Turkish Getups and my double front squats. But devising a strategy to get there was not easy. I couldn’t train anything with a backswing. I could not perform a hip bridge or any leg sweeps. If you train hardstyle kettlebells, you know that almost every skill utilizes a backswing and Turkish Getups require a hip bridge and/or a low sweep of the legs. All of the traditional kettlebell exercises were off the training list. Instead, I focused on healing the injuries and implemented gentle stretches and basic mobility work. I scheduled appointments with my physical therapist where she taught me how to realign my pelvis and gave me a series of exercises to improve its stability. That became my training.

My Team Leader, Debbie Hayes. I will
always be grateful for her support during
and after the SFG!

There were bouts of frustration when my healing did not progress as quickly as I had hoped. I am not known for my patience and the three month deadline to test my skills was always in my thoughts. Would I be ready in time? It was certainly not a guarantee.

My daily training continued in its new format and I gradually added some half-kneeling work. But a month after the SFG, I still couldn’t walk without compensating my stride. I couldn’t step up onto a street curb or climb stairs without changes in my normal movement pattern. And that was often accompanied by pain. I began to get worried. Some nights I would feel optimistic after my training, but other nights I was on the verge of tears. The physical therapy and stability work were definitely helping, but I questioned whether the improvements were happening fast enough.

My squat pattern progressed much quicker than the getups. The angry TFL calmed down greatly, but at the one month mark, I still couldn’t perform a bodyweight squat without some pain. I elevated my heels and trained supported squats. After a few session of those, I managed a decent unsupported squat with elevated heels. Over the next few weeks I was able to add an 8kg bell, then bodyweight without elevation. Gradually I added small increments of weight to my goblet squat…8kg….10kg….12kg….16kg. With just under one month before my SFG deadline, I could again squat the double 12kg bells without pain! My hopes elevated.

Nadine!!! One of the assistants on Team Hayes...
she talked me off the ledge a few times during
the certification and I thought of her words
of encouragement while impatiently working
toward completing my skills.

 

Prior to my injury, I had been doing quality 12kg and 14kg getups on a regular basis with some 16 kg getups thrown in for fun. But with a month left to achieve competency, I still couldn’t perform the low sweep or the lunge to stand without sharp pain in my left hip and pelvis. At three weeks before the testing deadline, I could finally complete a Turkish Getup on both the right and the left side, but they were unweighted. To pass my skills tests, I had to complete both sides with a 12kg kettlebell. As my body would allow, I added a bit of weight to a few of the getups. I started with an 8kg bell, the lightest I had. After a few days, those 8kg getups felt strong and smooth. I added a few with the 10kg bell. The low sweep was difficult to perform without compensation in my foot placement. And moving from lunge to stand was even more difficult and often, it was accompanied by pain. To avoid loading a dysfunctional pattern, I trained the getup from the standing position down to the floor and then moved straight to the usual start position up to lunge. Progress came….slowly. But it was progress.

Team Assistant, Jay, was an
inspiration after the certification.
I watched him via social media
as he dealt with a serious wrist injury.
 It was motivating to see him continue
to train despite the hurdle.

Now, I was two weeks away from the deadline. I mentioned to my friend, Dustin, that my progress had slowed dramatically. I explained further that my pelvis still felt very unstable and I was having some pain with certain movements.  He suggested I add heavy rack carries and marches to my training. I felt a difference after the first session. It was a dramatic improvement. 10 days away from the deadline, I did my first 12kg getups….one on the right and one on the left. But they were still not up to the standard. My pelvis did not move well enough to allow me to keep my supporting foot planted on the low sweep and I didn’t have enough stability to move smoothly from lunge to stand. 9 days out…..I made the first videos for submissions, but each one had issues. I vowed to work diligently over the next week to meet the strict StrongFirst standards.

I trained the getups daily. The squats were good to go, but the getups kept me awake at night. I visualized each step in my mind. I felt the pressure of my foot pushing into the floor, I felt the tension in my body as I moved from lunge to stand, and I felt how every stage of the getup would flow into the next and how my body would feel in each stage. I fought away panic. I refused any thoughts except those of success.

With 7 days left before the deadline, I shot the video of my double 12kg squats. Then I shot the video of the right getup. I would hone my focus on the left getup....my only remaining skill. A sharp pain still presented on the low sweep or going from lunge to stand when I used the 12kg bell. Not every time, but often enough that it caused me to be hesitant and uncertain in the movement. 

With 4 days before the deadline, I headed to the training area in my guest room to try to finish my submission videos. I performed several less than stellar left TGU’s. I became frustrated. I walked out of the training area for a few minutes. I went back and did a few lightweight swings. Then I got angry. I just got angry. So many emotions came bubbling up. No tears. No words. Just silent anger. I walked back into the training area and started the video. I took a few deep breaths....rolled over and took hold of the bell....rolled into position and pressed the bell. Then, my body and my mind flowed through each step of the TGU with intention and purpose. Every aspect of the skill fell into place. As I finished the getup, I retrieved my phone to review the video. It had felt good. Now I just needed to critique it. I scrutinized each step, checking off the standards as it progressed. At the end of the video I gave out a celebratory shout. I had done it!! I had finally performed a 12kg getup that met the standards. I was elated! 



The email I had been waiting to receive! The words
of support will always mean a lot to me. Thank you
Debbie Hayes!!

I sent in my videos and waited to hear back from my StrongFirst Team Leader, Debbie Hayes. The answer came the next morning in the form of an email with the subject line of “Congratulations.” It was official! After months of worry and  rehab, concern and healing, impatient light training, and careful progressions, I had passed my remaining skills. A flood of relief swept over me followed by excitement and personal pride.

I have to admit, it was a mental challenge to stay positive and remain calm. At the SFG there were other people there to encourage and support me. Back at home, I had to manage my attitude and emotions by myself and for myself. I was flying solo. But, I learned a lot during that time. No camaraderie, no community, no coaching……just me putting in the work. There was nobody to impress, nobody to make me do what I should do, nobody to give me praise or reward. Often my training in solitude felt lonely. Other times it felt powerful. Some days....many days.... it was both.


The email reporting my success in meeting
the requirements to StrongFirst. More
greatly appreciated feedback.

But those three months changed my attitude about my training. I am more in tune with my body and my brain. I am in the driver’s seat with my training and it feels powerful to train intuitively. I am sometimes tempted to compare my current level of strength and conditioning to earlier times, but only briefly. Now, I appreciate everything that my body and my mind can do on a daily basis….right now….today. I understand what I am capable of more than anyone else….I know how a movement feels in my body….I interpret what causes positive outcomes and what needs to be questioned. I am continuing to move forward to greater strength, more agile movement, and enhanced health in a gradual, progressive manner. I am giving my body what it needs to heal and ultimately thrive.  And I am enjoying the journey.


Postscript: I have been waiting to receive my official SFG I certificate in the mail so I could add a photo of it to this post. However, there has been a glitch in the process and it hasn’t arrived yet. In the meantime, I completed 2,150 swings this past weekend with a 12 kg bell. It was for a Swing-A-Thon for Dustin Rippetoe, who is in need of a kidney transplant. I am happy to say that my body felt great with the low weight bell and high volume of swings. I have added 16 kg bells back into my training and my swings are solid with my 32 kg bell. The stability is improving and the strength is returning. I am grateful…..still a bit impatient....but incredibly grateful!

 

 

 

 

Child of my Child

Child of my child..... you bring about a flood of wonderful memories. For when I look into your eyes, the deep brown eyes of your mother are reflected back to me. You are her child.... you have her eyes.... you have her logical sense of reasoning.... and when you throw your arms around my neck in a hug, I remember the childhood hugs of your mother. You remind me that these times are precious. All time is precious. That each moment is priceless. 

We played some wicked games of Cootie!

The past 9 days have been filled with more laughter than I ever imagined. The rooms of my home are strewn with tiny shoes and socks turned inside out in little balls of fabric. Hot Wheels cars and monster trucks have raced and crashed on the coffee table where they keep company with my fall decorations. And a variety of games are stacked in the corner of the living room. Thinking back on the events of your stay makes me smile.

You taught me how to duel with empty Sprite bottles...... swords in your imagination. We fought fiercely for bragging rights and candy corn. You twirled about in seemingly random ninja moves. And we laughed hard as you disarmed me and threw your arms up into the air, yelling, "I win!"

A finished game of Blokus!

We played Triominos, Count Your Chickens, Cootie, and Connect Four. I loved watching you think through the process of placing the playing piece in the game of Blokus. Your little fingers would turn and rotate the irregularly shaped pieces until you found a place where it fit. And again, you would throw your hands up in the air and cheer. You were proud of yourself....I was proud of you.

You love to play Rock, Paper, Scissors and your eyes sparkled as we pound our fists into our open palms. We play to determine who gets the first turn in the games we play. I had an advantage because you haven't quite mastered making the symbol for scissors and your tiny hands repeatedly made the shape of paper or rock. But I continued to shape my hand for rock or paper, only forming the shape of scissors occasionally. When your "paper" covered my "rock" you would put your hand over mine and squeal with excitement at "going first" in whatever game we were playing.

Loving on Sophie!

You are kind and tender-hearted. You get excited when the cats lay on your lap or jump up next to you on the couch. You have learned to gently smooth their coats with your little hands and to remain calm when they are around. They have come to love you.
You make friends with everyone..... the staff at my workplace, the kids at the new Mother's Day Out, children at the dinosaur museum. (That is a trait of your father.) I hope you never lose that desire to connect with others.

Child of my child.....You raced me everywhere we went. Yes.... everywhere. To the pickup.... to the front door.... to the kitchen.... to the bedroom.... to the bathroom.... to the barn.....EVERYWHERE!!!!

I listened to hours of Disney Silly Songs over the past 9 days. But I fully realize that one day you will climb into my vehicle and not ask to listen to The Pizza Song. And that will be a very sad day. So we listen and sing along to The Pizza Song, I'm My Own Grandpa, The Peanut Song, and many others. I add emphasis to the silliness of the lyrics with my own exaggerations of voice and gestures. You laugh....I laugh..... we laugh. I never want that to stop.

Volunteering for the dinosaur program.

I love your imagination and creativity! After all, you invented the Gingerbread Man and Old Woman game. I couldn't help but laugh as you and I swapped roles. One of us would be the Gingerbread Man and run away through the house. The other would be the Old Woman and come chasing after. We added little bits and pieces over time. A cane for the Old Woman and specific actions for the Gingerbread Man. It was a wonderful way to spend a morning.

You are fiercely independent, yet so vulnerable that it breaks my heart. You march off to "your room" to take a nap without any assistance from me. You are a follower of rules, just like your mother. You keep everyone in line. You even informed me that certain movies for children are for kids six and a half years old or older. (They really aren't.) You wouldn't let me rent those movies.

One evening you asked me if I had ever gone to Paris. (The characters in the TV show were in Paris.) I said I had never been to Paris, but I would love to go someday. I asked you if you wanted to go to Paris and you said, "Yes", then added that we should go the day after tomorrow. When I asked if you had a passport, you said, "I don't think so, but I think my Daddy does." We agreed we would go to Paris someday, but probably not the day after tomorrow.

As I held you one afternoon, you slept deeply, cradled against me. Your little legs spilled beyond my lap and I watched as your long, dark eyelashes fluttered against your blushed cheeks. I had seen similar lashes against similar skin many years ago. The thought made me catch my breath. Where have the years gone?

 Child of my child...... you have no idea how my heart leaps when you throw your arms around my neck and say, "I wub you!" Yesterday, as we were eating lunch, you said something quite perceptive. You nonchalantly stated, "Nana, you are going to miss me a lot when I go home." Yes, Jaxon, you are correct.