I think everyone has a time, if not several times, in their life when they need a refuge. You might find refuge in a person, in a job, in an activity, or in a place. Each person's experience will be unique: the reason they need a refuge and how they came to need it, or the source of their refuge and how they found it.
In 2010, I found myself in need of a refuge.... and I found it in a little yellow house. In January of that year, I moved out of my home of many years to live on my own. I had lived in denial for a very long time and numerous factors had kept me in an unhealthy relationship. I had finally reached a breaking point. My health had declined, my weight had sky-rocketed, my relationships were fraudulent, and I was exhausted on all levels. While many people assisted me in my journey back to health and happiness, that little yellow house on the plains of Oklahoma definitely played a huge role. 
The previous renter was a friend of mine, who knew that I would have limited furnishings. She left two king-size beds with bedding, a futon, a desk, and a console in the entry way. I brought two chairs and a small table with me. I had the basic necessities, but certainly nothing fancy or impressive. Yet among the hand-me-down furnishings and for the first time in years, I felt like I could finally breathe. Every time I turned the key in the lock and stepped into the entryway, I could feel my body relax....I felt as if every cell in my body exhaled....as if I had been holding my breath for years. 
When I moved in, I left a much larger house. The previous house fit more with the idealized standards of today's society. It had a gourmet kitchen with a granite island, French doors leading out of the master bedroom to a shady deck, a lovely soaking tub by a garden window, and a craft/sewing/utility room worthy of Better Homes and Gardens. But when I moved into this little house, I also left a fraudulent life for a more authentic one. The previous house represented everything society tells us we are supposed to desire and strive for in our lives. But over the years, this house has proved to me that society has it all wrong. Simple really is better! And I love the simple aspects of living in this house. I love to sleep on the futon in the sunroom. Nights with a full moon are the best! I love the crackle of the fire in the fireplace and the melodic sound of rain falling on the roof. It is cozy... it is peaceful.... it provides me with all the comforts necessary.... it is home.
I don't invite people into my home easily. If you have ever had an individual invitation to be in my home, consider yourself on a rather short list of trusted people. Seriously... it's a very short list! I don't open my home easily, because you can learn a lot about me from the contents. The rooms are still full of hand-me-down furnishings because I would rather spend my money on experiences that new furniture! And... as I look around at the furniture that others have given me, I think to myself, "I am surrounded by people who love me! Look at everything they gave me when I needed it!" The contents of the shelves and walls tell the story of my life. From the sewing basket that belonged to my maternal grandmother, to the family photo above the fireplace, to the seashells and feathers and fossilized rocks, to the saddle in the corner of the living room, to the McCoy pottery collection, to the cookbooks, to the framed quotes, to the craft projects my daughters made years ago... they all tell the observer exactly who I am and what is of importance in my life. 
I loved the property from the beginning. It is the perfect mix of rocky ravines, native grasses, wildflowers, trees, and water. The sounds of nature and wildlife soothed and comforted me during those first days, weeks, and months. I walked among the trees and sat by the pond. Deer grazed in my backyard and raccoons fattened themselves with sunflower seeds from the birdfeeder. I watched beaver cut small trees and swim across the pond, dragging the limbs to reinforce their den. The stars shone like I was on top of the world, and I found solace in having time to sit, gaze upward, and try to find the Dippers.
My property has the most stunning sunsets. It took me a while to recognize that fact, but now, it is something I not only enjoy, but look forward to experiencing as often as possible. I mow walking paths around the property that wind along the tree-lined ravine and amble down past the pond. They continue over the pond dam and make a leisurely loop through tall, native grasses. The walk is soulful, like a meditation. Each step connects me to the energy of the earth and relaxes me. It feeds my imagination and creativity, I rented the house from 'Thelma, a feisty woman in her early nineties. I loved to hear her talk about building the house and the early years when she and her family lived here. The house was dearly loved. They wanted a place in the country where they could relax and enjoy a slower pace. Thelma said it was their "happy place". So she decorated the house to be a happy place with bright, bold colors, typical of the 1970's. Some updates have been made with new flooring and paint, but I haven't been able to replace the lime green blinds in the living room. They remind me of Thelma..... and they make me smile!
Thelma passed away in the fall of 2013, as I was working hard to end all ties to my previous life. Her family started discussions with me about buying the house and part of the land. Thelma had told her family that she wanted me to have the first opportunity to purchase it. The months went by and finally in the spring of 2014 I knew I could afford to buy the house and about 21 acreage of the property. Of course, I would have loved to own all of it, but it was more practical to buy less acres and be able to live without a mortgage.
On October 1, 2014, I became the proud owner of the little yellow house, 21 acreages and a barn! I was overwhelmed with emotion. A little scared, but more than anything, I was relieved. After years of dodging threats of being kicked out of my own house, I could rest in the fact that I would never have to face that again. I would never have to live afraid of having my basic needs of shelter and comforts pulled out from under me because I hadn't lived up to the specifications of another person. Does this property require a lot of attention and work? Absolutely! And I am seriously behind this year, thanks to knee surgery last February that hasn't progressed like I had planned or hoped. But... the rewards of living here can't be measured.
So.... after all that.... it is time to tell you what I have named my home and property. As most of you know, I have been smitten with everything Scottish since I traveled there in 2015. Therefore, it only seems fitting that I have a Scottish Gaelic name for the place that brings me such peace and happiness. And the winner is...... 'S e ur beatha. There are several meanings and they are all appropriate: "it's your life", "you're welcome", "do as you please", and "no problem". Thanks goes to my long-time friend, Stephanie Looper, for the suggestion, and my newer Scottish friend, Mary Macdonald, for the confirmation of it's meaning. And Mary, I still need to learn the pronunciation! Recently, I located a stone sculptor who specializes in traditional Scottish stone carving. I am planning a stone for my front garden, adorned with the new name, to welcome myself and my guests home.
