One Month of Bliss......One Year of Discontent

My first view of England from
the plane.

One year ago, today, I boarded a plane for London with a massive backpack, camera equipment, a laptop, and more excitement than I could contain. I had no idea how that trip would change me or how I would struggle upon my return home.

This trip was the culmination of years of longing, planning and saving. As a teenager, I set my sights on traveling to the United Kingdom, and at the age of 55, I could scarcely believe that it was going to happen. The trip was a wonderful blend of pre-scheduled events and days left to fate..... planned stays with friends and solo adventures. The preparations had consumed my life for over a year, taking my resources of time, energy, and money. And it was worth every one of those investments.

A cliff view of the sea on my ten-mile hike
with the Highland Rangers on the Isle of
Skye.

The trip did not disappoint. My senses were on overload from the marvelous sights, sounds, smells and tastes of a different culture. At times I couldn't believe that I was living my dream trip. It often felt surreal and always magical. And while I thoroughly loved England and Wales, I have never felt so at home as I did in the Highlands of Scotland. There is something wild and rugged about the terrain, the weather, and the people. I immediately fell in love with all of it! I felt right at home in the cool, damp air...consuming cup after cup of tea...walking mile upon mile over boggy ground covered with bracken and heather...watching the clouds dance across the sky as they do nowhere else I have been...and hearing the red deer thunder out their mating call. Listening to the melodic lilt of the Gaelic language and heavy Scottish accents, I was mesmerized..... enchanted.... completely smitten.

I have felt unsettled since I returned home. I am still not sure why or what that means, but it has been almost unbearable at times. Do I just want the respite from a daily job... you know.... the luxury of being on vacation and not having to report to anyone at any certain time? Or is it that I had a clean slate with everyone I met. They knew me only as Beth from the states. No background history or pre-conceived ideas about who or what I was. People took me at face value and I could be blatantly myself. Was it that I had guarded my expectations and had established a mindset to roll with the flow, regardless of what came my way?

A reminder for tourists on the streets of London!

Was part of my discontent caused by the fact that home is so familiar... perhaps too familiar? I had spent nearly a month on sensory overload. The majority of what I saw, ate, heard, smelled, and touched offered up a new experience. Now, back at home, the familiarity of my daily life often felt crushing...anti-climatic. I know....I know.... quit whining. Many people don't have the opportunity to travel like I did. They don't get to mark something big off their bucket list. But that doesn't change how I have felt over the last year. It doesn't change the fact that I still feel a strong tug on my heart to return to the UK. There is so much I haven't experienced.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family and friends dearly. I love my acreage and my home. I love my job. But something has been off kilter. I now know something that can't be unlearned...even if I can't name what it is. My experiences changed me and I can't go back to how and who I was prior to my travels. Maybe it is to be expected. Once you see another part of the world and experience another culture, you can't return to the status quo of your former life. The dilemma is to figure out how to mesh my new self into my old life..... or how to change my life to better mesh with my new self.


A stunning waterfall on the
Isle of Skye.

I planned this trip for years and it represented a lot for me. It was a gift to myself for winning a long battle to regain my health and happiness. It was a celebration of my independence and freedom. It was a proving ground to those who said I was incapable and undisciplined. It was a bold statement to any doubters, especially myself, that I can accomplish what I want.

I had some things planned and scheduled, but many days I would simply take off driving or walking and choose my travel path as I went. Those spontaneous days resulted in several tasty evening meals in my room with cheeses, fruits, and local beverages purchased at unexpected market stops. I found a fantastic bookstore in Inverness, which was housed in an old church building. It was not on the agenda for the day, yet it offered me several hours of soulful entertainment among the books, maps, and antique prints. I did a little Christmas shopping for my sister, Becky, and purchased some souvenirs for myself. Another magical moment!

The Coral Beach on the Isle of Skye.

My first serving of haggis!

My first haggis was eaten in a small café in Dunvegan, on the Isle of Skye. My conversation with the waitress informed me that Dunvegan Castle, my planned destination, had closed three days prior, but there was a beautiful coral beach that was worth the hike. I took her advice. She was right! It was stunning and I enjoyed the stretch of my legs and being out in nature for the afternoon. Unexpected plans.... unscheduled journeys .....I can't help but love them. There is just something soulful about listening to your gut feelings and then acting on them.

Susan, Andy, and I braved some
chilly weather for a hike in
Snowdonia National Park in Wales.

I had to depend upon myself on this trip, but I also relied upon others. Obviously my hosts in London, Daley and Liam, and my hiking hosts, Andy and Susan, played a huge role in the success of my trip. In addition to their assistance, I had help from a variety of other people, which didn't surprise me.  I prayed daily for two things.  I prayed that God would send helpful people to me when I needed them, even if I didn't know I needed them. And I prayed every day that God would cover me and my transportation with a bubble of protection. He repeatedly did both of those things. That is the topic for another blog post!

Daley and Liam with me at the top of
St. Paul's Cathedral in London.

A deep, relentless longing continues to call. I feel as if I have no choice....I have to return.  Until recently, I wasn't sure when or under what circumstances that would happen. Then, during a Facebook Messenger conversation, I learned that my London hosts, Daley and Liam, had set a date for their wedding in the summer of 2017.  And.....I would be receiving an invitation!  I immediately starting planning a return trip to England for their wedding. I am planning to venture out for a few days, but I will stay within a much smaller area of the UK this time.... probably southern England and perhaps Wales. While there are no definite plans for my trip in 2017, the excitement is already building.

The Scottish Highlands will get my undivided attention on my next return trip!